I’ve been so busy the past couple of days hence the hiatus. However, I will try to queue as much posts as I can to maintain this blog and also to update you guys with what’s going on. That good? Okay, cool. ^___^

Our cat’s found its way back home! Finally. I still can’t believe he was gone for 36hrs. Mom and I were already planning on putting up posters today. Fortunately, Dad heard him crying at the side of the house this morning. I’m so pleased that he’s back. We’re letting him rest at the moment but sure enough, I can play fetch with him again this evening. Yey!

On a lighter note, it’s spring you guise! However, Britain, as we know, is very bipolar. April mornings and evenings tend to be really chilly but midday, it’s sunny! I also love how the sun doesn’t start to set till 8pm! I wonder when the dandellions would start coming out? They’re my favourite.

Here’s a funny thing, most of the photographs I’ve posted here (except ones with the #photography tag + some with the #art tag) are all of poor/mediocre quality. Like, I don’t know… it’s… weird. I’ve never really posted the good stuff - the real thing. My best pieces of work are sitting inside books and I don’t even know why. My external hd contains over 30 000 photos, not including art pieces, and they’re just using up storage space. I don’t even know how I’m able to take loads and loads of shots a day, transfer them from my mem card to my laptop and never really look at ‘em. And you call me an art student. Ugh! Srsly, what the fuck is up. It’s been like this since the summer of ‘09. That goes for this blog too. Like, I’ve tons of ideas I want to write about, stories I want to share yet I’ve still hardly done any. I would write up drafts late at night but never really post ‘em. Some of ‘em have been sitting on that draft folder for weeks now that they don’t even seem worth posting anymore. Try and look back at some of my posts, I’ve mentioned photoshoots and shit like that but never really actually posted shots from the said shoot. What a loser. UGHHH! What am I doing? It’s like everytime I try to step forward, I just end up having to do two steps back.

P.S. This post collected dust in my drafts for two weeks.

Our cat’s missing! Huu =’( Dad went out last night and didn’t notice it come out the front door. ASDFGHJKL! I’d ask for help but y’all don’t live near me. Heck, we ain’t even from the same country. T___T For what its worth, he’s all white with green and blue eyes. He has a red collar with hearts on it plus our number so yea, ring up if he happens to come knocking at your door. I’m so attached. Was hoping I’d wake up today and hear him meowing in the hall. As of now, nada.

Going shopping in a few! Eeeep! ♥

I’ve a tight sched coming up. Nuninu.

April 8 - spring shopping; coursework
April 9 - project making/coursework
April 10 to 15 - studio classes
April 16 - project making
April 17 - spring shopping
April 18 - carboot
April 19 to 20 - project making
April 21 - day out: fast and furious 5
April 22 - luggage packing
April 23 to 30 - road trip to paris, france
May 1 and 2 - rest days
May 3 to 27 - final exhibit prep
May 28 to June 5 - intense catch-up
June 6 to 17 - portfolio assembly; end of year show

I’m literally finishing this course in two months, two months guise! I’m quite stoked actually. Summer in two months, a real break at last! Wooot! ^___^ Oh and yes, Paris in 15 days. Eeeeep! So excited! ♥

This time, it ain’t gon be just talk. I won’t let it bubble into thin air once again. I’m done!

All this posts about how I haven’t done no work or bla bla bla complaining about random things and wanting to do stuff but not really pushing myself to do it? It’s getting annoying, as in, what the hell am I doing? I’ve seemingly allowed myself to get stuck at the same spot I was at two years ago. All these long lists of ideas in my head that never really get translated into paper - such a waste! I even have a daily planner that’s supposed to guide me so I can get things done. It’s now looking more like it’s just for show.

Why do I always do things last minute and never have the initiative? Hey, even my posts are getting pushed backwards and further. Unfinished blocks of texts, all sitting in a drafts folder - would they ever get posted? Geeez! Who knows?

Projects that should’ve been finished months ago, books that should’ve been read, items that should’ve been sold, plans that should’ve been pursued, ideas that should’ve been tested. Should have but did not.

Distracted is all.

Skill, talent, charm with no hardwork ≡ worthless.

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That being said, it’s Friday Friday Friday, gonna get down on Friday!

No srsly though, I gotta look after myself more and really suck it up, y’know? But yea, I wrote this a few hours ago at dawn when my mind was spinning in all directions. Thus the drama and urge to do something.

It wouldn’t be easy as all other changes are but I’m committed and will most definitely get this bus moving no matter what.

P.S. Maybe I should stop talking about it ‘cause everytime I do, it oftens ends up as a failure. Haha! Ok, this srsly is the last time you’d here me talk about being motivated and what-not.

All smiles. Life’s a journey so cruise.

Yo guys, one of my stalkers, loljk! ^___^ I mean my online buddy, Daniel Wooden did a feature on me which you can read here. It’s my second feature, woooot! Thanks again @belowthehype! Appreciate it. Follow him now! ♥

What I learnt today: Never compare yourself, your life and your work to others.

I was in class today trying to figure out what to do for my final major project but as usual, my brain thought of nothing thus being unproductive. All I did for two hours was hold a blowdryer and attempt to dry my screen prints. And that didn’t work, which is kind of annoying because they’ve been on the drying rack for almost over a month and they’re still sticky. =| So yea, I was walking around the room pretending to be doing something but all I was doing was nosying at other people’s work. One of my classmates drew these really amazing floral figures with chalk and pastels (I think?) and I thought, “Damn! Why can’t I draw like that?”. And it really looked like as if all she was doing was moving her fingers in a swirly motion, as if she was making those pieces so effortlessly. T__T Then when I sat down, I saw one of my seatmates flipping through his journal and maaaan, it was proper professional-looking and real creative. So I suddenly had the urge to look at my pile of work. And when I did, I felt a really weird twitch in my stomach and all I could think of was, “I’m doomed, my work’s shit.” I felt so sorry for myself, as in I wanted to curl up in a ball, hide my face and cry. Huuu =( So while I was waiting for my mom and dad to pick me up, I had the time to reflect and think about what just happened. I realized that I shouldn’t really feel bad about my work because after all, my style is very different from those two and I know I am capable of producing something really good. More so, I should see it as something to inspire and motivate me to do better.

I did an outdoor shoot yesterday in heels while the wind was blowing at 832464 mph — never gonna do that again. I shot both digitally and in film but as you know, my MTL5B’s automatic light metre isn’t working. Luckily, a photographer named Gary Benson (tumblr name offcuts) sent me a message and gave me some handy info which is now nicely stuck at the back of my camera. Ha! And yet you call me a photography student. Maaaan, why are we never taught things like this in college? All I hear from my tutors are ‘be creative’, ‘unusual angles’ or ‘the sun is out take some photos!’ How about teaching us some basics first? Pft! Too late now though, we finish in June. Oh! That reminds me, I need to finish my Portraits and Dreams project. T__T

Why is it that when I post a photo of myself, I get likes after likes? But when I post real stuff as in real talk, hardly anyone likes it? Haha! But then again, I talk too much so I’m with you guys. Pardon, I will try to shut up more often. But hang on, why should I? This is my blog and if I want to write, Imma write. But perhaps not, or maybe I still will. Or not. Oh wow! I just contradicted myself like x amount of times. Can’t you tell I’ve nothing more important to talk about? Actually I do, they’re all in my drafts. I just haven’t posted them but this one I will, because I like mumblin’ like a peacock, not that a peacock mumbles, and not that I’ve listened to one or any bird speak or make noises for that matter. Whuut? I talk trash sometimes as in nonsense garbage and I mean, why are you even reading this? Haven’t you figured out yet that all of this is just mambo-jambo gibberish like a can of sweet corn with tomatoes on the side, pre heated under the sun over perforated board similar to my fire-water painting? Yea, I bet you didn’t understand any of that now, did you? Smart ass. Nah, I’m just kidding. You know I love you to bits. Dang! Why am I so random? Demi.

My tutor went up to me the a few days ago and told me I got a distinction for my Elements (painting) project. Wooot! Distinction’s equivalent to an A in layman’s terms. That’s two distinctions this year (inluding my first photog project) out of the 6 projects that we have. I’m handing my 3D book in (which I haven’t even finished yet) today, hopefully, I get a distinction for it too! Still can’t relax though because I’ve an exhibition coming up this May/June but I can’t focus on it yet seeing as I need to get my other two projects completed first. Gaaaaahh. On a lighter note, Paris in 20 days guise! OMG! Will definitely take a bunch of photos for my exhibit. HAHA!

Just loaded my MTL 5B with a black and white film since the last roll I took with the Zenit-B was half crap half decent, fault’s on me. However, I realized it doesn’t have a battery. Pft! So, I either risk shooting without a light metre or wait until the battery I just recently ordered from ebay arrives. Uhh. I really want to develop this film on Monday morning though, so I can enlarge some decent prints on Wednesday for my project. Gaaah. What to do, what to do?

I say go for whatever drives you to live, to function, to exist. It’s the only way you’ll be happy. Strive to achieve.