2/365

March 14 2012,

Stayed in bed for 18 hours. Got up at 8pm. Saw Jed. Took photos in the toilets because I have nothing else to take photos of. Showered. Ate. Got dressed. Went on my laptop. Didn’t go back to bed.

1/365

March 13 2012,

A walk to Asda on my own - wearing heels! What was I thinking? Decided to bring my camera along so I can take snaps on the way. It felt good. I haven’t taken photos like that in a while.

It’s looking like a very gloomy day outside. The last few days have been really nice but it’s back to old wet and cold England again. Oh well, bring out the thick cardigans!

On a different note, I just managed to pull another all-nighter but have yet to finish the second draft of my artist statement for 10am. It is now 7 in the morning. Been using tumblr and other things on the web, yet again, to avoid doing my work. Let’s face it, I’m not made to write formal shit for school. Like, I didn’t apply for a course to be a journalist so what the fuck? I know I can’t hide away from doing research or writing professional shit for all of eternity but still. It’s way too much effort and blogging’s just a hell of a lot much easier and to be honest, who really gives a fuck about the way I write on my blog? No one - that is. I wanna be an artist. Stop asking me to write large amounts of text that no one’s ever gonna read, and if they do, judge me for. Ugh!

Now that’s said, I’m gonna shut up and stop ranting and focus my energies into finishing this mafaaakin word document. Oh-kaaay. No seriously, ranting’s bad so I’m genuinely stopping. Ahahaha!

Anyway, I have drawing class/workshop today with a guy called Robert Luzar. Maaan, I haven’t drawn for over 9 months. My skillz must be mad rusty. I remember, “Hell, I was good.” Ahahaha! Arrr. Good thing my project this term involves drawing onto photo prints. Lezzdothis!

Also, and lastly, I’m gonna be restarting my 365 project because I hate how the last one’s going. And hey, it’s already started! I began shooting last Tuesday, 13th of March 2012 and I’m hoping *crossedfingers* that it will run to the same date, a year later. That’s if we’re all still alive. Aha! But yea, just thought I’d let you guys know. I’m so random. ^___^

I shall finish my bowl of peaches (why I eat breakfast at 11am and take an hour to finish it, I don’t know) and make my way to zee library and the studios.

P.S. It still baffles me that a photo of my face gets a load of notes. Hmmm? Then again, I’m probably just being narcissistic. Aha!

Morning world! All-nighters always keep me hyper during the day - must be the adrenaline - I know my body’s exhausted. Nevertheless, I’m awake! Got the first draft of my artist statement done earlier today. Been slacking since though.  Really need to get myself to the library and print some stuff out so I can work on my sketchbook a bit more. All I’ve done’s take photos of thyself. So much for priorities. Haha!

26/366 Colour and Print

Earlier, I tweeted that I wanted to do the front cover of my A4 sketchbook before 7am. And hey, I actually did it! Yey! I really hope this positive vibe sticks and I’d start moving forwards instead of going downhill all the time. Also, I should set short goals for myself more often so I can actually get shit done. Uhh, can’t wait to transform this book and make it all bulky and artsy-fartsy!

The greatest thing about having him around is knowing he’s there and that he ain’t leaving; knowing that I can talk to him, tell him anything and not get judged for it. It’s funny how I push him away and it only makes him hold onto me tighter. Damn, I’m lucky!

Nothing’s changed. I still procratinate as bad as I used to when I was 16. But at least then, I got shit done. Truth be told, everything’s changed. I don’t even procrastinate. I just do fuck-all. Fan-tas-tic, right? I feel like shit and it’s no one fault. I should be out there doing what I do best but no, I gotta get tangled up in my useless let’s-stay-in-bed-thinking-about-the-things-i-could-do-and-should-do-when-i-could-be-doing-them-right-at-this-moment state. Fuck you and my non-existent goals. Fuck being an artist and fuck everything else.

My moods have been up and down the past couple days. One minute, I’m ecstatic, the next, I feel like utter shit.

I miss shooting. I miss drawing. I miss being arty as eff without caring about a single thing, just art. I miss my 17-year old self. I miss beauty through the viewfinder. I miss hurting my finger on my typewriter. I miss getting ink and paint on my brandnew clothes. I miss the smell of chemicals in the darkroom. I miss blowdrying emulsion on canvas for photoprints. I miss being on flickr, tumblr and deviantart for 10 hours straight looking for inspiration. Shall I really go through the entire list?

Normally, you’d think that I’d be fed up with doing these things by now. Well, what do you know, I’m one hell of a fine art student… I just, I dunno. I refuse to think that I’ve completely lost the artist in me. She’s gotta be out there somewhere.

Huh. Maybe my next project ought to focus on my inabilities as a so-called-art-(ist)-student. Myeh.

25/366 Confined

24/366 Boy girlin’

23/366 To study the craft